finally I was able (after two attempts, and a whole year of the so called "pre-university" courses) to enter the university I wanted (or something like this... it's my third choice, but it's not that bad in the end)
what I find a little sad is, I feel nothing right now...
like, I should feel happy for getting there, or relieved for not having to study so much for tests; idk, anything...
but actualy I feel hollow...
I think that the sense of "dark-circling-loneliness" which sometimes hits me engulfed the damn everything my heart was weaving for me to feel, like an ocean engulfs a handkerchief
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ok, so there goes the why:
to the ones tha